Eulogy for Robert D. Ross of Chappaqua

by Rabbi Jonathan Jaffe

October 9th, 2016

Temple Beth El, Chappaqua, NY

I have to admit, I wasn't sure what to make of him when I first arrived at Beth El. But there he was, at each Torah study I led and adult education session I taught - the little man with the big glasses and a buzz cut, pants worn high, grinning ear to ear. The guy who was always ready with a polite remark or witty saying, all delivered with that award winning smile. I wasn't quite sure if someone could genuinely be that polite. But as I have had the opportunity to get to know Bob Ross over the final two of his 94 long years of life, I came to learn that it was all genuine and from the heart. Bob was the real deal – a gentleman, an optimist, a neighborly soul. And through my time with Bob and his family, I realize that I only experienced the tip of a long and enduring iceberg. And so we gather here today to shed a bit of light on Bob's story.

Robert David Ross was born on Nov 22nd, 1921 to parents Charles Ross and Sylvia Turets. The middle child between his older sister Betsy and younger brother Marc, Robert grew up in the Pittsburgh suburbs. Charles owned a hardware store and Sylvia managed a ladies ready-to-wear store. Not surprisingly, Bob was an excellent student. He was the kid the teachers would ask to assist the other students with their work.

Bob's life was deeply impacted by the disintegration of his family when he was 17 years old. After Bob's father's business failed amidst the depression, his mother left for New York and Bob's father took his sister and brother to be close to her. Bob was left on his own to close down their apartment, get rid of their belongings, and finish the school year. Although this was an incredibly challenging period, Bob learned the ethic of self -reliance which would become a calling card for the rest of his life. When he eventually moved to New York to join his disjointed family, he spent the majority of his time in the library, reading any volume he could find in order to educate himself.

After high school, Bob worked for 2 years at the New York World Fair, selling peanuts at Frank Buck's Jungleland. He lived on such a narrow budget that at one point he had to borrow a nickel from his landlord in order to take the subway to visit his father. Eventually, Bob's mother moved to Cleveland and Bob and his siblings followed. He registered for the co-op engineering program at Fenn College at Cleveland State University, studying one semester then working one semester. Given his intelligence, fortitude and diligent work ethic, Bob's professor suggested that he enter the meteorology program with the US Air Core. And so Bob enlisted and served as a meteorologist for the military for 3 years.

Bob's life was forever changed once again when his brother Marc died in combat in France in 1944. As Marc and Bob had signed their GI insurance over to one another, Bob directed that the funds be used for Betsy and her sons Mel and Michael’s education. Bob himself utilized the GI bill to pursue his Bachelors of Science in electrical and electronic engineering at Rutgers. He eventually worked as an engineer and service rep for GE, Geanini and other large companies. At one point, he even worked on the Savannah River project, a secret effort to developing torpedo guidance systems, housed at Penn Station.

As Bob worked before college and then spent three years in the military, he had a late start in finding both a career and family. But one fateful weekend, Bob went skiing with a group of friends at Mt. Snow. After a long day on the mountain, the group of friends were hanging out when one young woman, Mary, began dancing on the table. "Mary, throw me a drink," Bob requested. When she responded by tossing the drink onto Bob. He was smitten. They would eventually marry and move here to Chappaqua. Together, Bob and Mary enjoyed square dancing, bird watching, playing tennis and skiing together. When they received the fateful news that they would not be able to have children, they adopted Teresa and then Marc and began a family. When the business Bob had founded selling directly to airline manufacturers folded, he decided that he had had enough of the industry. And so he returned to what he always loved most - learning. Midway through his working life, Bob enrolled at Teacher's college to pursue his master’s degree. He eventually taught mathematics and served as a guidance counselor in the South Bronx for 22 years. It was natural for Bob to work in an under resourced community as his own teen experience instilled within him both a deep frugality and an affinity with the underdog and forgotten. He naturally sought to care for all of those who reminded him of who he was at that time. In this way, he served as an incredible role model and paternal mentor for hundreds of students.

Bob and Mary's home life was deeply affected by Teresa's lifelong battle with depression and clinical illness. Through it all, Bob stayed by her side, even purchasing her an apartment in Mt Kisco. When Teresa opted to move to White Plains, Bob took the apartment as his own, living there for the past 20 years of his life. His frugality and resourcefulness was without end. When Marc was going through his father's files, he noticed that the furniture in the old pictures from his childhood home were the same as those in Bob's apartment even today. Later in life, when Marc told Bob that he had bought a Range Rover, Bob responded, "Wow, you're really going to h e l l with yourself!"

After retirement, Bob continued to tutor kids in math, especially the disadvantaged. After all, this was a man who rewrote his college text book from algebra to calculus so that it would make more sense to him. A lover of nature, Bob led hikes with the Adirondack Mountain Club every Tuesday and Thursday for over 10 years. He stretched every morning and deepened his passion for Yoga. He continued his involvement with our congregation, participating in regular Torah study and discussion. When Mary was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Bob assumed the role of caregiver both to his wife and daughter, until Mary died in 2002 and Teresa tragically passed away in 2013.

This brings us back to the point where I first met Bob, while interviewing here at Beth El. My deep affection and respect for Bob only grew. My family was overjoyed to welcome him into our home for the Sukkot open house last year, assisted by Marc. And even as his health faltered, Marc worked to set up a webcam so that Bob could participate via Skype. So yes, the first virtual Torah study participant in Temple Beth El's history was a 94 year old man. Just last week, I visited Bob for what would be the last time he would remember. I held his hand and thanked him for being so kind and welcoming to me and my family and he flashed me that kind grin. As in life, Bob died on his own terms - in the comfort of his own home, his beloved son by his side, in an apartment whose mortgage had been paid off long ago.

And so today we gather together to say goodbye to our friend and study partner, a tinkerer and fixer, whose warmth and depth of character were unmatched. Goodbye and lehitraot. From time to time, Bob would turn to Marc and say, "I don't know how the two of us made it out sane - and I have my doubts about you." We have little doubt about you Bob, a man who responded to life's greatest challenges with continual optimism and resilience. Today we honor your spirit by challenging ourselves to live up to your example. In this way, you will still be here with us. And I look forward to seeing you at Torah study in the Beit Midrash, in each smile and aha moment. And we will turn to one another and say, “Bob would have loved this”.

Zichrono Livracha - May your memory serve as a blessing for your family and each one of us.

Amen.